A Tale of Too Busy

The day started as it usually does. I knew I was working from my home office, but other than that did not remember what I was scheduled to do. Sitting down at my desk, which was strewn with files and papers, I pulled up my calendar and found a series of meetings with a variety of clients, talking about a variety of things. It looked like a good day, talking with people I enjoy and focused on things I like. It also looked over-scheduled. Glancing down at my yellow pad of paper, I noted the lengthy “to do” list I’d updated the night before, and then looking back at the calendar I viewed the rest of the week. The whole week was too full. I felt vaguely anxious and uneasy.

I immediately opened my email and began deleting, organizing, and in a few cases responding to the messages that were “quick hits”. After a few minutes, I tackled one of the “harder” emails and answered that one as well. Looking at my clean email inbox, I felt calmer and pleased. I got up to make a cup of tea.

Coming back to my desk, I neatened up the file folders and papers. I noticed something I’d wanted to read and skimmed it. The desk was neater and again I felt calmer and pleased. I then went back to my calendar and noticed that the first in a long series of meetings was due to start in 8 minutes, at 9:00. I felt irritated because I wanted to read that article and do some other things, but now I had meetings starting. I felt constricted and anxious again.

At 8:57, I received an email that cancelled the 9:00 and on the heels of that, another email asking to reschedule a longer working session that followed. My morning had just cleared! I felt so elated -- relieved and happy.

Wait…what just happened? What in the world was going on with this emotional-roller- coaster relationship with my schedule?? And what had just happened to the last hour of my work day?? When did I choose what to focus on? What was driving my focus in the first place? And honestly – how did yet another week end up “too full” and overscheduled?

For some time, I’d been telling my clients that I’ve ceased to use the word “busy” to describe my current state. “Busy” is such a loaded word nowadays. It’s become the standard answer for “How are you?” -- even though “busy” is neither an emotional state nor a physical state…so not really sure how it relates to the question of “How”? It seems we’ve turned busyinto a feeling-- and a complex one at that.

If you project an aura of “really busy”, it’s seems like a sure sign to the world that you are doing lots of things…likely important things…maybe more things and more important things than everyone else is doing, or at least as much. There’s a weird combination of power and powerlessness wrapped up in the word “Busy”. There’s a tone to it. We give the impression that “busy” is somehow being done TO us, even as we convey a subtle, subconscious sense of pride in our state of constant activity.

But on the day that I felt elated because some of my commitments cancelled, I realized that even though I’d struck the word from my lexicon, I had NOT changed my relationship to it. I was very clearly attached to “busy”. I was using action and activity to mask other things. I was frittering away my time in order to feel good about getting things – anything -- done. And, most importantly, I was causing myself unnecessary stress by consistently overscheduling, avoiding the work I’d packed into the schedule, and then hoping that something might cancel so I could breathe.

Internist Dr. Susan Koven wrote, “In the past few years, I’ve observed an epidemic of sorts: patient after patient suffering from the same condition. The symptoms of this condition include fatigue, irritability, insomnia, anxiety, headaches, heartburn, bowel disturbances, back pain, and weight gain. There are no blood tests or X-rays diagnostic of this condition, and yet it’s easy to recognize. The condition is excessive busyness.”

Hmmmm…Not good. But as we say, awareness is the first step.

There’s a reason why many of us stay stuck in “busy” as a normal mode of living even when we experience the negative side to its consequences: it’s addictive. Addiction is characterized by overpowering urges and an inability to moderate or control one’s actions -- even after experiencing negatives outcomes. Dopamine (a hormone that affects our brains) is the key component with busyness. Dopamine is highly addictive because it is a “reward drug”. When it is released by our body, it produces in the brain a short-term sense of gratification and enjoyment. And “getting stuff done” can cause this release…which then creates a cycle where we want those feelings to repeat. Hence, busyness easily slips into the realm of addiction and becomes a way of working and living.

It can be good news that busyness has the potential to create “reward feelings” when we need motivation to tackle important work or activities. It can be bad news when busyness takes over more of our lives and energy that is healthy or desired.

Here are a couple of ways to counteract that:

Taking an Awareness Break

One suggestion by Rasmus Hougaard is to deliberately slow down and reset your mind throughout the day, so that you can more easily make intentional decisions about where your time and efforts are going.

“You can take a systematic approach to slowing down by implementing awareness breaks in your life. Awareness breaks are 45 second breaks performed once an hour. Awareness breaks are like a reset button. It helps you reset your mind, get out of wheel spinning, and increase your focus.

• Set a timer to notify you that it’s time to take a moment.

• When you get the notification, stop what you are doing, let go of thoughts and direct your attention to your breath.

• At the first breath cycle, relax your body and mind. At the second, focus your attention. At the third, ask yourself ‘What am I doing right now: Chasing mice or going after bigger prey?’”

Practicing “No”

The economist Tim Harford put it this way, “Every time we say yes to a request, we are also saying no to anything else we might accomplish with the time.” In other words, as writer and coach James Clear puts it, “Once you have committed to something, you have already decided how that future block of time will be spent…. Saying no can be difficult, but it is often easier than the alternative. As writer Mike Dariano has pointed out, ‘It’s easier to avoid commitments than get out of commitments. Saying no keeps you toward the easier end of this spectrum.’”

Therefore, saying “No” (to yourself as well as to others) is a very important practice to easing busyness. Over time, it’s a skill you build that helps you focus on what is most important, and ensures your energy is going in a direction that serves you.

The addiction to busyness is fed by feelings of productivity, efficiency, and reward. But, as Peter Drucker said, “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”

Unchecked, an addiction to being busy, productive, overly scheduled, and stressed can have many unintended consequences on our well-being, relationships, and careers. But having the will to introduce some techniques that help us become more aware of the busyness/reward cycle, and from there creating a new set of habits and mindsets related to our time and energy, can have a very positive impact on our lives and happiness.